janefrances

january 26 2007 - 5 am

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 10:06:23 GMT

so it has been about a year since i have written in this lj ...

my heart right now is broken. it is healing, but i am very confused. i have given my heart to a man who does not know what he wants. he does not know if i am the woman for him, and it breaks my heart. i fell in love with this man .... at first only a little bit .... i had to work things out in my head, but then i gave him my all ............ i cant be perfect though, and he wants someone that he will know everything about them ..... that is impossible. at least in my opinion. because each new day will bring change, it will bring the unexpected.

i know i need to come to a day where i dont cry over him anymore.

----

my heart cries, it wants your comfort, i want your touch
i want your love, every day of my life
i want to be the one who kisses you goodnight, and wakes you up to a beautiful morning ....

----

this is not poetic, or sentimental .... this is raw ............. i am raw.

questions

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 06:21:26 GMT

i love you.

i want to be in love with you, like no other person is able to be in love with you.

could we focus on god? and that would make this love real?

i was made from you. like eve from adam. i am made for you.

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 06:41:28 GMT

a love so childish
whose to blame
.
a love so childish whose to blame. the tears fall down, salty and clean. she aches inside for the one she loves. but is this love she wonders? and if it is, whose to blame? the pain it's so strong, it makes her run away sometimes. it makes her scream outloud to herself. what is love, what is pain? what is this, a game? this is my life, who i am, what i want, and who i want to be. this is my soul trying to communicate to you through the fog. trying to communicate.

is it possible for lovers to understand each other? their languages are different, and they are facing the same wall. the same wall that they can't break down, that they can't explain. a wall so big you can't see the top, a wall so hard that you can't break through. what's it going to take? what will tear it down. ..... is a wall an ultimatum? is this love just not supposed to be? do you just put down the relationship, and move away from the wall?

she steps back and says that she sees good. she feels the goodness too. it's there in times of quiet .... it was there before the mention of the wall. she doesn't get the wall. .... she might think that she is seeing through the wall. maybe it's her x-ray vision that he doesn't notice. she tries to peirce beneath the surface. she only ends up crying. she cries so much. it's exhausting.

she's used to the crying though. she's cried so much that she couldn't distinguish salt water from her own tears. but she hates the hurt that it brings to him.

am i the childish and naive one? suseptable to the whims of the world. maybe i need to know more, more about love, about god, about myself. who am i? who is she?

she knows about love though - she thinks she knows what love is. but she thinks that we will never be able to explain love. or be able to fully comprehend it. maybe that's the beauty about love? she knows what love is not. and she knows what love is "supposed" to look like. .... she hates the words normal, and supposed. especially normal.

she knows her head is not clear. she doesn't think that people's heads are supposed to be clear. she thinks that there is clarity and truth in her thoughts. she talks about them. she questions other people. she likes to listen. she like being engaged by topics of knowledge. she is thankful for people. she is scared. she is broken. she's not whole. you won't be able to fix her. she wants you to accept her.

she thinks he's beautiful. she knows beauty is not love though. she thinks that the connection brought by love could be the most beautiful thing there can be.

will the tears ever go away? will they be washed away, or will they eventually drown her?

-----

yes, this was written at a very emotional and raw time. i can't give you explanations for all of the words, or tell you where they came from. it is what it is.

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 00:01:45 GMT

new livejournal

PLEASE DIRECT yourself to: http://www.livejournal.com/users/janefrancesk/

new livejournal

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 22:52:54 GMT

there is a philosphy to everything in life. there is an interpretation to every situation, + time, + place.

there is a philsophy to individuals. philosophy exists in them./

[[time clocks down, and i want to move ahead to the future. i want to stop this process, and go.

am i so haste to want to go so soon. so quick. i know i am running. but from america. is it not right to leave a country. a place that one has always known./

[[thoughts keep entering my mind. questions swirling, forming paths, and patterns. or is just random? unstable, and waiting to fall./

do these people play their part?/ or am i on my own?

how much of life is relations with other humans. how much of life is understanding god's relationship to us?

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 18:19:53 GMT

THANKS! :-D to the people whom i love.

tell someone thank you for being in your life ... seriously. you should do it.

thoughts: i read this book called "the five people that you meet in heaven", and it talks a lot about all the people that you encounter in your lives. how are we encountering other people? are we making lasting impressions on them .. how SHOULD we be acting? even the smallest encounters ... e.g. the guy who towed my car today! ... could i have been a little more like jesus in the short time i encountered him? i could have been more polite, more patient. not so hard hearted ...

open my heart.
(but what does that mean?)

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 04:21:47 GMT

"Bread cast on the waters comes back to you.
The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time.
If you never see the deed again, at least you will have made the world a better place -- and, after all,
isn't that what life is all about?"

well ... isn't it?

[except from an "inspiring story" e-mail..]

*

ok.
i had a really good day today :) <-- this is jane grinning, and being happy. yes. totally.

*

played mini golf, raced go-carts, and played laser tag. who doesn't love being a little kid?
ohh. and i have an A in econ. come on today might as well have been christmas. :P